How would you even tell your parents that you’re dying inside? How would you even say like I need support?
I find myself looking to this conclusion every time I reach literal rock bottom. How would they react if they found out if they would never be able to see me again. That is the worst fear.
I would want my child to be able to come to me whenever they needed support. But I feel like I genuinely couldn’t tell my parents exactly what state I am in. They are very caring and would/do the utmost best they can do for me, and they have sacrificed their whole lives for me. I couldn’t have better parents than I already do.
But I am literally left in a complete void. Uni doesn’t feel like home, and when I do go home, that doesn’t feel like home anymore. I feel like I don’t have any real close genuine friends that could fully support me as everyone is doing their own things. And rightfully so.
To describe it, it’s like walking down the street after midnight, and all you hear is a few distant cars, some odd noises, and nothing but your own heart beating plus your footsteps. The voice inside my head has full control and there’s nothing I can physically do about that.
If anything right now I am closer to ending it than ever before.