I hear them

I’m really struggling. I don’t know how to put this, but the voices inside my head are killing me.

Constant pounding. Negative thoughts. There’s no escape. I beg for it to go. I beg for them to go. They don’t. 

It’s killing me. It really is. I don’t how to cope with it.

I hate everything about myself. The voices force that. I’ll explain what it’s like.

Everytime I do something, the voices force me to overthink. Everytime I speak, I hate my own voice. Everytime I see someone I don’t want to see, the voices enforce that. It creates this vivid reality that has become true. I can’t escape it.

Pushing it away doesn’t work. It comes back, almost worse off. It’s crippling. I can’t force myself to do anything, go anywhere or talk. 

I can’t help but think of just quitting. Just turning that light off. It’s becoming so unbearable.

In a room full of people, have you ever felt so lonely. It’s like that, but alone with awful thoughts. 

Sometimes I just sit there and smile when I feel this way. Because it’s almost reassuring that I can pull that trigger and go. End all the pain. 

But I don’t want to quit. I know there’s help out there. I just haven’t found it. 

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