Remembering

This post was supposed to go up on 29th April.

It was exactly 1 year ago today since the funeral of a best friend of mine. Something no one should ever have to do is lay one your closest friends to rest. What’s worse is how he had a whole life ahead of him, but that sick feeling in my throat always happens when I think he chose to cut everything short and call it a day. It’s so tragic and so unfair. I wish he was able to see what could’ve been and who would’ve helped him.

On the 29th April 2016, a day I never thought I would ever have to go through at this age, came around. The father of my friend who passed away rang me the day before asking if I would like to help carry the coffin. It was a huge sign of respect of my friend’s dad and I took up on his request. 

We got to the church and the few of us friends asked to carry the coffin, were waiting outside for the hearse to arrive. Sat under the roofed entrance to the church, we were absolutely freezing. After a while, the hearse came along with my friend’s family followed in a convoy. 

Glancing up the road at the convoy, it slowly began to hit me then. This is real. The hearse stopped elegantly infront of us as we waited on the pavement. We all stopped shivering. It was ice cold but the sight of the beautiful coffin and flower arrangement brought us to a sudden hault. The funeral directors pulled the coffin out and gave us instructions on how to carry it. One hand under, the other holding onto the handle. The coffin looked absolutely incredible. It was fitting for my friend who was so unbelievably rich in character and style.

The most surreal and most difficult moment of my life was the carrying of the coffin. It wasn’t heavy, but it was very overwhelming. The feeling of carrying a close friend on his final journey is so unimaginable, that why should anyone have to think about that ever. All I thought about was that we shouldn’t be having to do this. We all shouldn’t be there. He should still be alive.

The funeral was unbelievable. Let’s just say he had a funeral fit for a King. Something he truly deserved at this moment, he was one of the most inspiring people I have ever met. So full of life, drive, passion and he didn’t give a toss what people thought of him. 

Carrying him out was truly the most difficult moment I have ever been in. This was truly the final journey. Next up was the crematorium for the final goodbye.

I touched his coffin and I begged why did he go. Tears streaming down our faces, we will always be left so wondering why. I didn’t want to let go. We left the room with coffin in and we were all embraced by the parents. Everyone completely broken. 

But sadly the reality of him not being here today is only just getting clearer a year later. Still no reason why and the pain is gradually easing to an extent. 

Speaking from my POV, that my life hasn’t been the same since and it never will be. God bless him wherever he is. 

Mr Brightside will always be your song bud 💛

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