Not again

I was meant to put this yesterday but I forgot to.

Ahh I can genuinely say I’ve had the worst day in a long time. It’s not been good at all. I have sorta been in this sort of trance all day today and it’s like I don’t care anymore.

It feels like something has taken over my mind again. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this before, but it feels like I can’t control what’s going on up there and I don’t know what’s going on. I feel like I’m losing myself again when it’s nearly time to get on with most important three months of my life.

Shamefully agan, there’s a part of me wanting to just quit, and just be free. At times yesterday, I thought how and why do I drag myself through it all when there’s no actual point?

My friends at sixth form are a unique bunch. They’ve actually noticed that I’ve been a bit off and keep asking what’s up. I mean I want to tell a couple of them perhaps, but I don’t really trust them enough. I have managed to speak to one person who was pretty damn helpful to be honest. Initially it felt amazing to let it all off my chest, and whilst it did help at first, I just returned to my previous state.

But I am trying to get out of this awful feeling, when everything to me just appears negative and so bleak. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am feeling so lost and gone at the moment. Why do I feel like this???

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