It’s Back

This is going to be a rant. I don’t care what anyone thinks, I feel I need to just write how I am feeling right now. 

I hate myself. I genuinely do. I don’t get why I am so stupid, so naive, so incompetent at things. It’s just becoming a constant cycle. At first everything’s a bit new, a bit strange. Then stage two and everything’s great, couldn’t be better. Stage three and I feel like I’m slipping, and I have that gut-instinct that it’s done. Finally stage 4 and it’s like I’m at rock bottom. There’s no hope. I try fix myself. I read, I watch, I listen, and I can’t seem to get myself out of it.

It took me so long to sort myself out in the past. All I did was replace one with another essentially. And what happened. The same things as before. 

At first I understood. Then this time it has taken a massive hit into my confidence. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I drag myself to sixth form. My problems due to have mental health issues have cropped up again causing a huge barrier to be pushed down in my life again. 

I don’t even know what to do. Imma keep fighting and carrying on because I need to. Everything seems so bleak. I hate getting into this mindset where I feel so down and frustrated. It’s killing me. 

I want to turn to someone for help, someone who will actually help me. I think I have the one.

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