Cycle

Ah here we go again. Sunday night. I am here writing again about how the weekend has dashed by, and I’m back at sixth tomorrow to face another week of uncertainty.

But like every weekend recently, there’s only a couple of things on my mind, and they once again hurt me. Because I dread to remind myself of them. But it just sounds so unbelievably weak of me to say this, but it really does.

Once again I go to sixth form with having told none of those I sit closest with on the daily, about how I am feeling. Things go by and I certainly don’t expect them to notice that anything is up because I mask it. Why should I expect anything like that because we’re all underway with the most crucial months of our lives, where University places are up for grabs, and we have one chance to grab them.

Ah yet I am bothered by such stupid petty little things. I have only told one person in my sixth form about what’s going on. And bless her, she’s the most unbelievably caring, most understanding person ever. Her having experienced the complete hell of the mental battle, with scars to prove. She’s one of the strongest people I have ever met. But sadly, on the surface you wouldn’t be able to tell at all. It’s so sad.

This is what’s annoying. But the people I have told aren’t at my sixth form. They’re elsewhere. But they too are amazing. I received a text today from someone I told, and she asked if I was okay. Those words on a screen mean so much. You’re probably reading this thinking how is this relevant, but all I am saying is that people are out there thinking of you. Whether you know it or not. They really are. I promise.

This is so contradictory to yesterday’s blog, but if you read my blogs, you’ll already know this is what I am like! Sorry. I write what I am feeling at the time if you get me?

But just receiving a text like that changed my mood completely. People care about you. Remember that when times are so unbelievably difficult. Because you mean something to someone out there.

Back to sixth form tomorrow. Here’s to the cycle…

Thank you for reading. Goodnight. All the best.

#AET

Twitter – @ExplorerTrapped

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