Do you ever question your mind sometimes? Like really what is going up there?
I’m not even at sixth form today, and yet I’m still losing my mind. My mind is so riddled with complete utter misery. I still have a thought of one, bugging away inside and it’s honestly killing me. I haven’t seen the person today, yet still my mind is in that fixed state. How do I tell anyone this.
I woke up this morning and grabbed for the rope again. I used the rope to tighten it around my neck, similar to strangling. But I found that strangling yourself has a low success rate. I was in such a dark place again, and I was so desperate to just find a way out. I went into my bathroom, swung the window open wide and looked down to the ground, which is the height of two stories. I peered over the edge for a while, whilst the sun was beaming onto my face. I wasn’t afraid at all. Nor was I cold. If I was to go, I am more confident than ever to go I felt.
The only thing missing is finding a time more appropriate to end it all. I am distancing myself from my friends, I am losing concentration on my school work, and the guilt of leaving everyone behind is less frightening the more I think about it. I know this sounds so bad, but this who I am. Selfish, incompetent, and solely responsible for my own sadness. Never mind ey.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight. All the best.
Twitter – @ExplorerTrapped