Strange Feeling

Have you ever been in a room full of people but you feel so lonely. These past few weeks have been some of toughest in a while. I have never felt more insecure and a low in my life as I did yesterday. Once again my only escape is WordPress…

The same old story. I hate writing about this because in my mind, that’s all I keep repeating. Hiding behind a face of someone I felt I used to be. Seven hours. Dawn till dusk. I sit, smile, laugh and get on with everything just as they appear normal. Inside? It’s a completely different situation. The feeling of excruciating pain in my mind. A burden. I’m on the verge.

I haven’t been settled for weeks now. Being at school provides my seven-hour daily fix of distraction. But once I am home, the walls cave in and I become trapped. The mental battlefield. A war-zone of riddling thoughts that I cannot seem to wave the white flag against.

My thoughts. They are a complete mix of worry, stress, reality and loss. I am alone with all of these. It’s killing me, and I cannot bring myself to do anything about it. Pitying myself? No. Am I weak? Yes quite frankly I belive so. How can I, a seventeen year old teenager not grab myself to be strong. But simply I can’t do it.

You know what the worst thing is? One time I firmly believed that I threw all my mental health issues behind me. I genuinely thought I was immune to it all. But I’m really not.

I needed somewhere to turn. I’m trying to make sure things don’t take a turn for the worst. Hey ho. There’s a light I see. I hope it’s not the one I want to see yet.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight. All the best.

 

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